The CockBlocking Naked Mole Rap
by Alleah
Summary: The two boys took so long to finally realize their love for each other, only to have it interrupted- by a rap about a naked mole rat.


A/N: So I guess it's explanation time?

I should have done this before but it was sleepy time soooo sorry-

1) I'm not awesome enough to think of writing a fic with the naked mole rap in it- this was a request from an awesome person from an awesome group

It was actually requested a long time ago but right after they asked for it I got really busy but I finally got around to it so sorry for taking such a long time

Anyways that's pretty much it

And I don't mean to sound annoying or anything but reviews really do help- well less like reviews, more like criticism- what you liked/ didn't like about the story/ writing It really helps me be a better writer

So thanks for reading and hope you enjoy :)

P.S. If you want to talk to me, I don't bite... Much... XD

And I have this nifty little thing called a tumblr (alleah95 . Tumblr. com)

Have fun!

Cockblocking Naked Mole Rap

"Kurt," Blaine struggled to recall the words he had said every night for the past few days in front of the mirror, practicing for exactly this moment, failing horribly but still managing to say something that made sense despite his hammering heart "there is a moment when you say to yourself 'oh, there you are-I've been looking for you forever.'"

He scooted over a bit and placed a hand on top of Kurt's delicate, pale one, using it to anchor himself to the world, to Kurt

"Watching you do blackbird this week- that was the moment for me, about you. You moved me Kurt and this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you."

As he said this Blaine tried to look into Kurt's eyes- those impossibly beautiful blue eyes that were at the moment wide as if with surprise- but Blaine ended up looking away at times, scared by the intensity in Kurt's eyes, one of those times his gaze drifting to his lips but he quickly looked up, not wanting to be drawn into doing something he would regret later, he still wasn't sure if Kurt had fully gotten over what the idiot Karosky had done to him.

Kurt found himself breathless, unable to make sense of anything. He wanted to think of something to say, anything, when suddenly Blaine started leaning towards him, at first slowly, hesitantly, as if sure that Kurt would push him away at any second and then when he was less than an inch away, when their breaths had become one, a whole section from time seemed to have had disappeared and suddenly Blaine's lips were on Kurt's, both of them breathing in sharply at the same time, it had been a surprise for the both of them, Blaine hadn't meant to do this, he had simply just done it, and now that it was happening he realized that there was nothing that he wanted more. Blaine reached up a hand and gently cupped Kurt's cheek, not to make the kiss deeper, but simply to have more of Kurt to himself, to feel him.

Kurt sat, stunned, waiting to wake up at any moment from what could only be a dream, only unlike every other time, he didn't wake up. He could feel Blaine's soft lips moving gently on his, his hand with the softest touch on his cheek, his breath softly passing over his skin, almost as warm as Kurt's face as he realized that this was really happening. Without warning, without thinking about it, Kurt's hand reached up to hold on to Blaine, afraid that if he didn't he would disappear and it would all just have been a hallucination. What he hadn't expected was that it would push both of them deeper into the kiss, both of them itching for more, wanting, yearning.

Suddenly and without warning the two of them separated, pausing for a second, faces inches away, looking into each others eyes, both boys still unsure that this was truly happening. Blaine looked away and sat down, he chuckled a little. He had no idea what to say as he passed a hand over his face. He wasn't sure if what he had done was all right, he wasn't sure if Kurt would be mad at him. Maybe he should ask but all he could think about at that time was how nice Kurt's lips felt against his, how amazing, how absolutely _perfect._

"We should- we should practice" He ended up saying, looking over at Kurt, a goofy smile on his face, expecting to see anger for having so suddenly- well- _attacked _Kurt's face. What he saw instead surprised him- a smile matching in goofiness with his a look of complete and utter glee.

"I thought we were" Kurt breathed out, his eyebrows raising a little and his smile getting bigger.

There was a few seconds pause as what Kurt had just said fully processed in Blaine's mind and then with more eagerness than before Blaine moved toward Kurt and Kurt not being taken by surprise this time moved toward Blaine as well.

There was no gentleness now, no being scared that they would be pushed away, no hesitation- just pure want, need, desperation, and _lust_.

Their lips clashed together and their minds stared to fail them when-

"Hit it!" Both boys froze as Wes suddenly burst in through the doors in what they could only think was his version of a "gangster" getup with ultra baggy pants, high kicks, a baggy jacket opened to reveal a t-shit that was barely visible under the innumerable amount of gold chains that matched the gold rings on each and every one of his fingers, and a cap that was slightly off-center. Wes stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, legs spread apart, and leaning back as people danced, skipped, and ran into the room, one of them carrying a boom box that was blasting a hip-hop song that was vaguely familiar to the two boys who had by now had the intelligence to separate themselves and instead stare at the group of people entering the room.

"_Yo', listen up, have a howler from Ron.__" _Wes started to sing as it dawned on the two boys what was happening.

"_'Naked Mole Rap' is the name of the song." _Wes kept singing, completely unperturbed by the live sized version of a naked mole rat that had just entered the room and went to stand next to him (no doubt a Warbler in a costume)

"_Word!" _The rat sang

"_Here's a story in all it's glory. Ain't hidin' nothin', don't know what the truth is how Ron met Rufus.__  
><em>_Never heard a cat bark,__  
><em>_Never heard a puppy purr,__  
><em>_My dad's allergic to every kind of fur.__  
><em>_So I surfed for hairless pets on the internet,__  
><em>_Saw a jpeg of a pink thing...__  
><em>_Gonna need sunscreen!"_

Wes and the Warbler in disguise went around the room jumping on the furniture in clear mockery of Blaine, Wes rapping the whole time and the other warblers harmonizing the song, the boombox having gone silent. The Warblers wouldn't sing with music, they hadn't done that since 1856 and they wouldn't break the tradition.

Both boys were now just about sure that this couldn't have been spontaneous, this had been planned- but why?

"_What is that? That freaky thing?" _Wes rapped as pointed to the gigantic rat standing near.

"_Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat."_ It wasn't until then that Blaine and Kurt noticed the girls standing around, knowing by their uniforms that they were from Dalton's sister school- now they were SURE this hadn't been spontaneous.

"_Come on y'all, let the girlies sing!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!)__  
><em>_Uh huh! What is that? That freaky thing?__  
><em>_(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)__  
><em>_Hey, wait, I can't hear the girls sing!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!) __Na na na na na na na na"_

Everyone was now dancing around the room, clearly having too much fun.

" _heard'a Smartie Mart was havin' a sale on a hairless pink rodent with a long skinny tail."_ Wes went over to Kurt, putting an arm around his shoulder and dragging him right into the middle of the huge throng of people

"_That's me!" _The hairless rodent did the same to Blaine.

"_It seemed to be this good be a solution,__  
><em>_The perfect pet for my dad's sensitive constitution!__  
><em>_So the manager came to open the cage,__  
><em>_He said, "You know this pet's hairless?"__  
><em>_I said, "I couldn't care less!"__  
><em>_Handed him to me, said, "Be careful don't drop it, and do you want this cage?"__  
><em>_"No, i'll keep him in my pocket!"__  
><em>_(Yay-hay!)"_

Now everyone was dancing around Kurt and Blaine- Wes in his "gangster" getup, the still-in-costume Warbler, David who had been rapping along with Wes, the girls, the Warblers, and dozens of other Dalton and Dobry Hall students._  
><em>

"_What is that? That freaky thing?__  
><em>_(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)__  
><em>_Come on y'all, let the girls sing!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!)__  
><em>_(Oh yeah!)__  
><em>_What is that? That freaky thing?__  
><em>_(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)__  
><em>_Gonna buy me some bling-bling!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!)"_

Everyone stopped their dancing as Wes screamed;

"_Can I get a boo-yah?"_

"_Boo-yah!"_ Everyone replied as they pumped their fists in the air._  
><em>

"_Oh, can I get a boo-yah?__  
><em>_(Boo-yah!)__  
><em>_Look at the camera, say, "Cheese!"__  
><em>_(Cheese!)__  
><em>_Smile for the camera say, "Cheese!""_

Everyone started dancing again, getting a bit more frantic with each passing second, Wes and the pseudo-Rufus grabbing Kurt and Blaine and dragging them into the crowd and out of the little circle that had been formed around them.

_"We've heard of Bueno Nacho, chimerito and a naco.__  
><em>_Always grande size it. Why not? I'm buyin'!__  
><em>_Rufus in my pocket, you can't stop it, can't top it,__  
><em>_Don't drop it, you might just pop it!__  
><em>_Rufus and Ron Stoppable with our best friend: Kim Possible.__  
><em>_We're not afraid of any attack.__  
><em>_I say "Yo, KP, we've got your back!"__  
><em>_(Hai-yah!)"__  
><em>

The two boys got separated and they started scanning the crowd for each other, Blaine too short to be able to see over everyone's heads, and Kurt not being able to find his little hobbit due to his shortness compared to all the other boys.

_"__What is that? That freaky thing?__  
><em>_(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)__  
><em>_Come on y'all, let the girlies sing!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!)__  
><em>_What is that? Super freaky thing!__  
><em>_(Yes, that's right, it's the naked mole rat.)__  
><em>_Come on y'all, let the girlies sing!__  
><em>_(Listen to the naked mole rap!)"_

Both boys twisted from side to side, the music deafening them, the bodies of what seemed to be a million people pushing up against them, jumping to the beat of the song. Out of nowhere the crowed seemed to move in a general direction- the door. Blaine and Kurt were still separated, but they weren't being dragged towards the door with everyone else, they were each being pushed in a direction. They eventually ended up pushed against each other in the middle of the room as the song climaxed and everyone was leaving the room.

"_Listen to the naked mole rat!" _The last note hung in the air as only rat remained half in the room, peaking at them behind the closing door.

"_Muah! buh-bye" _It blew a kiss at them and closed the door, the echo if it hitting the frame filling the awkward silence as the two boys looked at each other, still unsure of what had just happened when once again the doors were burst open and the group of people burst in but this time there was no song.

They all formed a circle around the boys, joined at the elbows, running around them, a single chant resounding through the walls of the great room.

"_They finally kissed, They finally kissed"_

The boys looked open-mouthed at the people around them, wondering if they really belonged in high-school and not pre-k.

Without warning Wes, David, and the Rat broke off from the group and the Rat took off it's head, destroying the two boys hopes of having a sane Senior Warbler, as Thad's head appeared.

"Okay guys, pay up!" Thad's demand rung out as everyone else started rummaging in their pockets and putting bills into the three boys hands.

"What the hell is happening here?" Blaine finally voiced the two boys question.

Everyone froze; a few of the girls giggled and a few boys chuckled.

"Well we had a little bet…." David started off

"Well yes, that much is obvious" Kurt sounded exasperated "What was the bet? If you guys could make total fools of yourselves?"

"Surprisingly….. no" Thad chuckled.

"We bet to everyone in here, thirty dollars from each person to each of us, that when you guys kissed, we would interrupt you both with the most random song we could find."

Kurt couldn't help but realize how much money that would mean since there were at least sixty people in the room.

"Wait-" he thought over what Wes had just said "You're saying _when_ we kissed, as if it was an inevitability"

It seemed as if everyone in the room had raised their eyebrows at them.

"Well, wasn't it?" David asked.

"Yeah, you guys couldn't have been more obvious" Thad stated matter-of-factly.

"What are you talking about?" Blaine's voice was incredulous.

"Oh c'mon" Wes sighed "We were all sure you would end up together, we were a bit doubtful if it would ever happen since it took ages for you to realize you were in love with Kurt and then years for you to finally get the guts to do something."

"So you guys were betting on whether or not you would cock-block us?" Blaine scoffed.

"Well when you put it that way….." David mused

"Call it payback for having to watch both your drama unfold at a deadly slow pace these past few months." Wes finished

"What?" Kurt raised his eyebrows.

"Kurt, from the second we saw the way you looked at Blaine when he was singing Teenage Dream we knew you were absolutely in love with him, and Blaine you're like a puppy, completely oblivious to what's in front of you until you realize it's a treat, then you slobber all over yourself until you can get it."

"Excuse me, but I am NOT a treat" Kurt snapped.

"Kurt, why do dogs love treats?" Wes asked and then answered his own question "Because they taste delicious, and seeing the way Blaine attacked your face, I'm pretty sure you're nothing less than that"

It was only then that Kurt and Blaine realized that everyone else had left the room and that Wes was right next to the door.

"Well then, I'll leave you two to your snogging and, I'll see you later" He smiled at them.

"PEACE!" He called out in a horrible "gangster" imitation as he closed the door behind himself.

"Well…." Blaine said out loud after a few seconds of silence "We _could_ do what Wes left us here to do-"

"Or we could torture them in ways that would make the people of the dark ages proud" Kurt finished his thought.

"After all, we could always find other times to practice" Blaine winked as Kurt smiled at him and they both raced out of the room, each of them thinking of the many ways they were going to harm the three senior Warblers.


End file.
